Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
