her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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