Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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