Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
