if i can run in heels then i can drive
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
