its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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