somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
