I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
