my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm too high and old for this...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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