He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
