Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
