Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
