I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
