Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
