Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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