OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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