Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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