He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
