That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
