I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
