i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
