You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
