I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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