my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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