I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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