Sponge bath it is.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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