You're so nebulous sometimes
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
