I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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