making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
