he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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