I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
