Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
