New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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