I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
