You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
