he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
