I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
