The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
