I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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