I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
