He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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