STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
