it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
