where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
