why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
