he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
