I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
