Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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