my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We smell like vodka and hangover
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