my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
