Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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