discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This is classic penis vs brain.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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