I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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