my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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