Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
